On grief and works in progress.

I was reading one of the blogs on my roll, and I discovered someone else dealing with grief. And as I read the comments, and came back again to mine, I was again struck by the goodness of you people. You who read these blogs and leave kind comments. You who share in our totally unknown pain. It means more than you could possibly know.

Until the funeral, I had never seen my father cry. My aunt - who no one has seen or spoken to in 10 years - came and held my hand. People I had never met hugged me and shared their stories. I have always held things in, tried to deal with them on my own. During all this I found that sharing - even with these strangers - definitely made it easier, and speaking about it made it more real.

I can't thank you enough for reading, for commenting, for reaching out and sharing in something totally unrelated to you. It has helped me immensely to be able to speak to this, and hear kind words in return. So thank you - thank you - thank you.

However. As painful it may be, it is unwise to get lost in our grief. Mine has led to productivity. Over the past two weeks I have been knitting - both by Nana's bedside and to and from the funeral. Consequently, I have something to show you. A couple of somethings to show you, actually.

Shawl Collar Pullover - AVittadini - Vogue Knitting Winter 2004/05

I'm on the collar right now - and it is taking a REALLY long time. *sigh* So I started something quicker.

The Duchess Raglan

Debbie Bliss Chunky Cashmerino - Yummmmm. Can you just feel the yumminess? This took me all of two days. I'm on the sleeves now.

I have also been "enhancing". Now that my year of "No yarn purchases" is over, I thought I'd start out the new year right.


Debbie Bliss Cashmerino Chunky - currently being used for the Duchess Raglan.
Rowan Cashcotton 4-ply. This will be used for the Apres-Surf Hoodie. All on mad sale at Webs. I am happy to report that my yarn-a-holic nature is back in full swing.

As you can see, I am moving forward. I will always think of Nana when I knit, and I will do my best to carry on the legacy. Given that I seem to have inherited the most atrocious patterns, I expect to rally quite magnificently.

Goodbye

Nana

Charlotte R. Alger

Aka Charlie.
Better known to me as Nana.

How do you even begin to sum up the impact someone has had on your life? All the things you remember? The sound of her voice when she'd call up and say "Lori, dear, how are you?". Her laugh when she found something funny. She sat down and taught you to knit at the age of 6. She kept the dirty jokes in the Bible and snickered in church as she told them to God when she prayed. She made the best fudge this side of the Mississippi and lemonade to boot (it had about a cup of sugar in it). She called herself a self-centered egotistical bastard and sang "I love myself, I think I'm grand, I go to the movies just to hold my hand". She called "fish" "feesh" and the freezer was an icebox, and a rubberband is a gumband. She survived my Grandpa Bill's death when my dad was 13 - she became an alcoholic and then sobered up - she was going on 30 some-odd years of being sober. For years she'd buy herself a gift and then wrap it and put it under the tree - when she opened it she'd say "Oh Bill! It's just what I wanted!". She called pastel pink "titty pink" and made (and wore) horrific puffy paint and ribbon sweatshirts. She taught me dedication, value, and the idea that you patronize the people who patronize you. She taught me that you never wait for a man to buy you jewelry. I'm pretty sure she also taught me to swear.

I could go on. I could go on for hours. I could probably max out this blogger. But I won't.

Suffice it to say that my grandmother was an extraordinary woman who had a huge impact on my life. And I'm going to miss her something fierce.